mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
