i need an iv and a liver transplant
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
