There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
