I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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