I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
