I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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