if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
