dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
