I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
