Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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