i would punch a child for taco bell
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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