why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
