Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
