I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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