sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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