I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
