Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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