I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
