Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
