What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
