I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
