She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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