see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
