I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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