It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
