I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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