Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
