Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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