May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
