she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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