woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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