I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
