I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
