1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
