how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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