When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
