I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
