Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
