she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
third nipple confirmed
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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