Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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