Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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