she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He shit in the fireplace
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
