I must be too annoying 4 u.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
