let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
