i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
