I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
