Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
