i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
the raccoons are back...
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