nut hugger
I wanna passion pit in your ass
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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