porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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