my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Barsexuality is the new black.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
50% drunk capacity currently
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
