wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
