I look better un-naked...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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