So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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