Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
